“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
Good communication builds great relationships.
If you want better relationships, strengthen your communication.
Since strengthening your communication can take a lot of time to learn, this article will teach you the basics. In this article, you will learn that good communication is more than the words you say. Good communication is all about the energy, the intention and the openness embedded within the words. It is all about creating a safe space for conversation to flow.
Why Do You Communicate?
Before you can understand where communication fails, let’s explore the different reasons to communicate.
There are three reasons to communicate:
1. To share information about yourself. For example, you may say, “I have plans with my friends this weekend,” or “I am going to the gym at 8 A.M.”
2. To ask for help. For example, you might say, “I am running behind today. Could you do the dishes?” or “I am feeling lonely. When are you available to spend time with me?”
3. To gather information from another person. This could include statements, such as, “Are you okay?” or “When are you going on vacation? Neither of these reasons create communication problems themselves. Thus, it must be the nonverbal aspects that create the problems.
What Is Nonverbal Communication?
Did you know that 93% of communication is nonverbal?
This means the delivery of your words is more important than your choice of words.
According to Mae West, “It’s not what say, but how you say it.”
There are three nonverbal communication skills you need to develop:
- Take accountability for your energy
- Have the right intention
- Be open to listening and learning
The more you master these nonverbal communication skills, the healthier your relationship will be.
Take accountability for your energy
What does your energy feel like right now?
Are you excited?
Are you angry?
How about feeling a little lonely and desperate?
Regardless of the energy you are carrying in this moment, you want to get in the habit of identifying it before you communicate.
Having awareness of your energy is important because energy is contagious.
If you are full of positive energy, your partner is more likely to respond to you positively.
On the other hand, if you are full of negative energy, your partner is more likely to respond to you negatively.
The goal of good communication is to only communicate when you are feeling positive, relaxed and compassionate. If you full of anger and desperation, you might want to take a timeout before you say something. Always remember this: The better your energy, the better your partner will respond to it.
Have the right Intention
Beneath every behavior is an intention. You have to intend to do something before you do it. Therefore, the power is never in the behavior; the power is always in the intention behind it.
“The power of intention is a critical factor in all areas of life. Simply by intending to create synchronicity in your life, you can nurture that result,” says Deepak Chopra. This is also true with communication. When your intention to communicate is good, then your partner will respond in a good way. When your intention to communicate is bad, your partner will have respond in a bad way.
There are only two fundamental intentions:
- Fear – to be controlling, manipulative and defensive
- Love – to be accepting, compassionate and open to possibility
If you communicate with the intention of fear, then your partner will respond with fear. On the other hand, if you communicate with the intention of love, then your partner will respond with love. To have better communication, get in the habit of asking yourself, “Am I saying this from a place of fear or from a place of love?”
Be open to listen and learn
Communication is the process of sending and receiving a message.
Taking accountability for your energy and having the right intention are important when you send a message.
On the contrary, being open to listen and learn are important when you receive a message. You are open to listen and learn when:
- You have open body language.
- There is a genuine concern and curiosity about the message being delivered
- You ask follow up questions.
- You can withhold judgment.
- There is no response until the speaker is finished.
Being open to listen and learn provides a channel for conversation to flow. It is the receiving end of successful communication. The more openness you display, the more safe your partner will feel to communicate.
Conclusion
You will communicate better once you master the basics of communication. This article was written to teach you the basics. Once you and your partner start to implement them into your daily interactions, you are guaranteed to change in your relationship. If you enjoyed this post, you’ll love an hour relationship coaching session with me. You can schedule your first coaching appointment here. [yikes-mailchimp form=”1″]
