“If a couple’s relationship is emotionally safe, then it’s well-prepared to overcome an onslaught of difficulties.”– Ed Finkel
In the beginning of a relationship, both partners are on their best behavior, conflicts are rare and there’s an uncontrollable desire to connect.
Then, something happens…
After the honeymoon phase, past relationship trauma starts to influence the interaction. The emotional baggage both partners carry starts to control their behaviors. This is when relationships can start to become unhealthy and abusive.
The relationships that survive after the honeymoon phase are those that learn to prevent their emotional baggage from sabotaging emotional intimacy.
As long as there’s emotional intimacy, the relationship will be satisfying.
Nurturing Emotional Intimacy: The Key to Lasting Relationships
What Is Emotional Intimacy?
A lot of people have never seen an emotionally intimate relationship. Their parents did not have one. Their friends do not have one. The media does not promote them.
It’s like the concept of emotional intimacy is something society has yet to learn. So, let’s learn.
What is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is:
- feeling relaxed and calm around your partner
- overcoming any fears that your partner will abandon you
- having compassion towards each other’s weaknesses
- feeling seen and heard
- a space where vulnerability is allowed
In summary, emotional intimacy is a deep feeling of closeness. It is an inner knowing that your partner can do no wrong. It is feeling like you and your partner understand, value and respect each other.
How To Create An Emotionally Intimate Environment
Creating an emotionally intimate environment is the biggest test a relationship will go through, but it is necessary.
Without an emotionally intimate environment, the human personality cannot properly function. There are many health risks associated with emotional unavailability in relationships.
This brings us to an important question, “What creates a emotionally intimate environment?”
An emotionally intimate environment is created when both partners make each other feel safe.
The more safe you and your partner feel, the more intimacy you can experience.
Safety in a relationship happens when:
1. Both partners consistently display trustworthy behaviors.This includes honest communication, respecting boundaries, predictability, reliability and loyalty. You can learn more about trustworthy behaviors in my book No Trust, No Love.
2. Both partners practice non-reactivity during conflict. This includes refraining from screaming, throwing things and getting defensive. It also includes avoiding threatening, gaslighting and complying. You can learn more about the different reactive behaviors in my article 16 Behaviors That Will Ruin Your Relationship.
3. Both partners speak up for themselves anytime they feel disrespected, abused or uncomfortable. You and your partner must be vocal about your needs and boundaries. You and your partner must practice open communication. Using your voice is the best way to create safety, trust and intimacy.
4. Both partners are meeting each other’s emotional and sexual needs consistently. The purpose of getting in a relationship is to have a primary person to meet your needs. If you and your partner don’t prioritize each other’s needs, then there cannot be any emotional harmony.
Conclusion
After the honeymoon phase both partners become less emotionally connected and more emotionally distant.
Unless they learn how to rebuild a strong foundation of emotional connection, the relationship will not function properly.
The more emotional distance in a relationship, the more dissatisfying it will be. Therefore, you want to make sure you are using the tips in this article to create a stronger emotional bond.
Emotional intimacy should always be your relationship goal.
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