“It is possible for a broken relationship to be restored to a place of health and emotion again.” – Unknown
Discover effective strategies and actionable ways to rebuild trust in relationships after experiencing betrayal or difficulties. Explore proven methods to heal wounds, foster open communication, and restore faith in each other.
There are times when your partner will break your trust, and there are times when you will break your partner’s trust.
This will happen in big and small ways—maybe because of infidelity, maybe because one partner screams at the other, or maybe because one partner forgets to pick up the kids from school.
Anyone who does not believe relationships will go through times of mistrust is living a fantasy. Relationships are dynamic processes, which consist of times of hurt and healing. They are not the fantasies shown on television and read about in love stories. Relationships are controlled by human nature, which means sometimes you or your partner will act in ways that are untrustworthy and irrational.
It is more important to learn how to rebuild trust than to expect it to never to be broken.
7 Ways To Rebuild Trust
As a child, you are trained that saying “I’m sorry” is enough to justify a mistake and rebuild trust.
In reality, an apology is often not enough to justify a serious mistake, or to heal feelings of betrayal.
When trust is broken, a person needs more than apologetic words. He or she needs to see a change in behavior to feel safe with you again. Any strategy you use to heal your relationship without doing what’s necessary to make your partner feel safe with you again will fail. There are seven aspects that are important when rebuilding your partner’s safety with you. These are:
1. If you are the person who broke your partner’s trust, you must listen to his or her angry, hateful, and hurt feelings. You must create space where he or she can grieve the betrayal – no matter how long it takes. This includes no minimizing or discounting your partner’s feelings. Learn to just listen and show empathy.
2. If you are the person who broke your partner’s trust, ask yourself and ask your partner what you can do to prevent doing it again. Then, create an action plan to carry out these preventive measures. This might include taking classes, reading books or working with a relationship coach.
3. If you are the person who broke your partner’s trust, you must learn about the five trustworthy behaviors. The worst thing you can do is break your partner’s trust in another area of the relationship while already trying to repair it. The five trustworthy behaviors are honest communication, honoring boundaries, reliability, predictability, and loyalty. You can learn about them in my book No Trust, No Love.
4. If you are the person who broke your partner’s trust, you must take responsibility for your actions and how they affected your partner. Never use blaming and gaslighting to avoid taking responsibility. Take ownership for what you did! This also includes not leaving out important details.
5. If you are the person who broke your partner’s trust, you need to form a habit of expressing your regret. Be apologetic. Never have too much pride to say the words “I’m sorry.” This will show your partner that you feel guilty and increase his or her confidence that you will learn from your mistakes.
6. If you are the one who broke your partner’s trust, don’t expect your partner to automatically trust you again. It will take time—sometimes this means a couple of years. If you hurt your partner, it is not fair for you to monopolize how long it takes for him or her to forgive you.
7. You and your partner need to have weekly meetings and follow up on if you are taking the correct steps to rebuild a solid foundation of trust. You must become accountability partners. It will also help to get a relationship therapist or coach to hold you both accountable.
Conclusion
Unfortunately, all except one of these aspects start with “If you’re the person who broke your partner’s trust…” Why? Because when you commit a betrayal, you put your partner in a power position. You are putting yourself in a place where you have to prove yourself to your partner. If this sounds unfair, maybe you aren’t committed enough to rebuilding the relationship.
If you and your partner are unable to rebuild trust on your own, you may need to get a trained professional or relationship coach to help you. Some betrayals cut too deep to resolve as a couple, and getting an unbiased third party can help out a lot. [yikes-mailchimp form=”1″]
