“Physical intimacy isn’t and can never be an effective substitute for emotional intimacy.”– John Green
Learning how to identify an emotionally unavailable personality is the first step to stop attracting emotionally unavailable relationships. If you haven’t read my article about the signs of an emotional unavailable personality, click here.
Furthermore, there are also things you must change about yourself to stop attracting these personalities. If you are attracted to those who are emotionally unavailable, it’s because there’s something about you that needs to change. “For things to change, you have to change,” says Jim Rohn. Below, there’s a list of things you need to change for better relationships.
Become Addicted to Self-Care
Self-care is any behavior that involves taking loving care of yourself. It includes doing what is safest, healthiest and most productive for you. Self-care includes:
- Meditation
- Making yourself a salad
- Going on a walk
- Budgeting
- Separating yourself from abusive personalities
The best thing about self-care is the psychological benefits. When you take good care of yourself, you increase your self-esteem and self-worth. Your entire sense of self strengthens. You start to value yourself and expect other people to value you.
Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
If you don’t have a healthy relationship with your emotions, you are at risk of attracting someone who also fails to relate with your emotions. Our relationships are mirrors. You attract what you are. Therefore, if you want to attract someone who is emotionally available, you need to become more emotionally intelligent and available to yourself. You can become more emotionally intelligent by:
- Building your emotional awareness. This includes establishing a consistent mindfulness practice. Research different meditation, concentration and breathwork practices. Start to find time for them in your daily routine.
- Having the courage to feel your feelings. Stop numbing yourself to how you feel. Be open to your emotions – both the positive and negative. Set the intention to tune in to your emotions.
- Learning to self-regulate. Develop the ability to calm yourself when you are triggered. Be compassionate to yourself rather than critical of yourself when facing a life challenge. Research reparenting techniques.
- Communicate your needs and feelings. Speak up for yourself and practice self-disclosure. Hold your partners, friends and family accountable for making you feel safe.
Until you learn how to manage your own emotions, you will be attracted to relationships with partners who fail to value your emotional needs. Therefore, you need to increase your emotional intelligence to attract emotionally intimate relationships.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a tool you use to make yourself feel safe in a relationship. They are rules you establish to show others the way you want to be treated. They tell other people what you will allow and will not allow, what you like and dislike, what you prefer and what you despise. When you set boundaries, you reduce your risk of experiencing abuse, neglect and manipulation. Therefore, you want to set boundaries as early in the relationship as possible. This will help you spot those who are emotionally available from those who are not. When someone is emotionally unavailable, they don’t respect your boundaries. They will:
- make excuses for their disrespectful behaviors
- complain about you having rules
- make you feel bad for standing up for yourself
Pay attention to how a person responds when you set boundaries. It’s the best way to separate those who are available for you from those who are not.
Avoid Unavailable Situations
Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you can make a relationship work at all costs? Have you ever exhausted yourself putting effort into a relationship while your partner did nothing? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that was just unrealistic? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to learn how to avoid unavailable situations. Sometimes, it’s not emotionally unavailable people you are attracted to, but unavailable situations. These are situations that require you to overcome a significant amount of obstacles to make the relationship work. This includes:
- dating someone who is already married
- falling in love with someone on vacation
- having sexual relationships with a boss/supervisor
Avoiding these types of situations may seem obvious. However, there are some people who are addicted to the challenge of relationships. These are people who are attracted to the unavailable.
Start Therapy
There is no relationship better than a therapeutic relationship. These types of relationships are all about emotional intimacy. Your therapist’s job is to completely focus on meeting your needs and supporting you. Having a relationship with a specialist who concentrates on meeting your needs will help you learn what an emotionally available relationship feels like. Thus, making you less comfortable in relationships with the unavailable.
Conclusion
Each of these tips help you stop attracting emotionally unavailable relationships. heal childhood emotional neglect and no longer attract emotionally unavailable partners. [yikes-mailchimp form=”1″]
