“Fall in love with someone’s spirit and character, first, and watch how attractive they become.”
– Charles F. Glassman
Nobody wants to get in a relationship with someone who is unattractive.
In fact, attraction is the very force that draws people together.
It is attraction that causes you to pay attention to someone longer than usual.
Have you ever seen someone you just can’t take your eyes off?
It is attraction that causes you to message someone on a dating app or approach them in public.
Have you ever seen someone you couldn’t help but meet?
It cannot be denied how important attractiveness is to a relationship. However, it is important to understand that attraction can be misleading.
When you find someone attractive, you are more likely to justify their unhealthy behaviors and ignore red flags. You are motivated to have sex with them before establishing emotional intimacy. There are downsides to finding someone attractive and you want to make sure you are attracted to the right things.
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What You Should Look For In A Person
There’s many things that can make someone attractive. The most desirable traits are:
- Status
- Intelligence
- A fit body
- Masculinity in men
- Femininity in women
- Honesty and transparency
- Financial success
- Humor
While each of these traits are important, guess which trait you should give the most attention?
Honesty and transparency.
When’s there’s honesty and transparency in a relationship, it has a strong foundation of trust. This is important because trust creates a safe environment and promotes healthy behaviors.
What Does Honesty Look Like?
Since honesty is the most important thing you should look for when dating, you need to learn how to identify an honest person. In general, there’s three criteria to an honest person:
- telling the truth about what actually happened
- telling the whole truth, and not leaving out parts in order to hide something
- acting in a way that does not promote deception
Below, there’s a list of behaviors that meet these three criteria:
A Person Who Openly Communicates His or Her Feelings
An open communicator is someone who is aware of his or her feelings and shares them. It is someone who does not pretend to be happy all the time, but it is a person who is open to experiencing a wide array of emotions. It is someone who tells you the details of their day, their stresses, their disappointments, their needs, and their desires. It is someone who has no problem telling you what they like and dislike. In general, a person who openly communicates is a person who lets you into his or her emotional world so you can gain understanding.
A Person Who Does Not Go into Denial When You Notice Something
According to Frank Sonnenberg, denial is the refusal to acknowledge the truth. He also defined denial as the inability to accept responsibility for a mistake. In some cases, denial can include a partner is confronted about cheating and denies having an affair. In other cases, a partner might deny making an agreement that he or she made last week. When someone denies something, they’re deceiving you. According to Clare Murphy, PhD, : “When we’re in a ‘healthy’ relationship and one of us causes harm to the other, the one who causes harm will acknowledge and own what they did and take steps to never do that again. She continued by saying, ”However, in a relationship where one person is motivated to be right and get their way at all costs, and to maintain power and control over the other, they relinquish personal responsibility for their harmful words and actions—they deny they’ve done wrong.”
A Person Who Is Direct
There are two ways to communicate a message: directly and indirectly. A person who communicates indirectly gives hints, complains, makes facial expressions and hand gestures. They expect you to understand what they’re feeling without sharing them. Indirect communication lacks transparency, and therefore, meets the criteria for dishonesty. According to GoodTherapy, “Without direct, open patterns of communication, people cannot get to know each other successfully; and what they do not know, they will make guesses about.”
A Person Who Is Not A Liar
When someone tells a lie, they are telling you something that is untrue. Oftentimes, they tell you something untrue to protect their status and image. Sometimes, they lie because they are afraid of conflict or do not want to disappoint you. Regardless of a person’s reason for lying, it creates mistrust and sabotages relationships.
A Person Who Is Not Secretive
A secret is something that is not meant to be known. However, most things in a relationship need to be known. In fact, the more you and your partner know about each other, the more emotional intimacy you can experience. “What we have to understand about secrets is that there is always a chance of being caught, which erodes trust,” says Stacey Greene, author of Stronger Than Broken.
Conclusion
If you want a healthy relationship, you and your partner must be honest and transparent. Therefore, you need to look for a person who values honesty and transparency before you make a commitment. Without honest communication, an emotionally intimate relationship is impossible.
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